ch-ch-ch-changes

Today God has helped me realize some things I have been struggling with lately.

Struggle One: I don't like how my life has changed lately.
Realization One: God doesn't change.

My relationship with God is unlike any other. I can depend on Him like no other. He is the only constant in an ever changing world.

This morning there was a song running in my head I couldn't stop: Landslide by Stevie Nicks. The particular verse that was on loop was:

well, i've been afraid of changin'
'cause i've built my life around you
but time makes you bolder
even children get older
and i'm getting older too

On Saturdays, more than any other day of the week, I try to keep my mind focused on God.  To celebrate the Sabbath I work harder than usual to drown out mundane worries with spiritual ideas. Obviously, this song is not one being sung to God. So, after I failed in changing over to a gospel song or hymn numerous times, I decided to look at the Landslide song closer so I could come to terms with why it's running non stop in my head.

Clearly the writer isn't talking about being afraid of changes because her life was built around God. One who was inspired by an understanding of our steadfast God wrote: Great is Thy Faithfulness.

great is Thy faithfulness by selah

Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God, my Father,
there is no shadow of turning with Thee.
Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not,
as Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

As a kid I didn't understand what "there is no shadow of turning with Thee" meant. Of course, way back then I didn't understand what "I've built my life around you: meant either. At age 44, I have experienced enough to understand the difference.

Building my life around God, or better yet, on a relationship with God is a safer proposition than depending on nothing to change in human relationships. Human relationships are characterized by change. One way to define God would be to identify the One Who does not change.

If I am building my life around God, why am I so... here's the second struggle.

Struggle Two: I am scared.
Realization Two: I am choosing to be scared.

Something scary happened to me last month. I was laid off from work - again. The director stated that I hadn't done anything wrong. In fact, she said that I made a good contribution and she was sure I would do so again in my next position. But being unemployed scares me. I knew that before today: I get scared because of the uncertainty about when I will get back to work. I become insecure about finances. I grow worried about finding the proper direction for my daily activities. I realized just today that I am also scared because try as I might -- I didn't have control over whether or not I stayed employed. Going to work everyday didn't ensure I would keep my job. Working hard, getting results didn't keep me employed. Making progress on long term goals of the organization didn't do the trick. I was let go despite all these things. That was scary.

So, thank You, God. Today I was reminded that I am not in control. My best efforts may have little to do with the results I get -- I should make my best effort anyway. Most importantly -- if I continue to build my life around God, I don't have to be afraid of ch-ch-ch-changes.

Back to Basics: Life on Life's Terms

No doubt: This has been one of the best weeks ever. In my emotional and physical overwhelm, on Monday (!) my memory stumbled over the seventh step prayer or my version of it:

Dear God,
I'm sorry for every stupid thing I've done and been.
Please fix me so I can help someone else today and get me off my mind.
I'm desperate for You.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Here's the original version from page 76 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me,
good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me
every single defect of character which stands in the way
of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here,
to do your bidding.
Amen

(Now you can see just how poor my memory is.) Praise God! He answers prayers even when I forget how to pray them.

Immediately things started to change around me as my perspective changed. I began to find something beautiful everywhere I looked. I was swimming in gratitude about little things I usually take for granted. I was nicer to my husband and daughter and coworkers. I became fearlessly engaged with our interns and my clients. I forgot about how difficult it is these days for me to speak without preparing what I'm going to say.

I didn't pay much attention to my pain -- it came and went as it pleased and so did I. I walked happily. I even laughed out loud when my husband sent me down the same warehouse-long aisle three times to get an item at Costco after a long day at work. I was more relaxed. I enjoyed tasks that usually feel like a pain in the... butt. I made more calls to friends and answered more times when someone called me.

When someone asked me to do something I found myself happy to help. When someone ticked me off, I was actually looking for ways to show the person I appreciate them instead of trying to find ways to tell them how angry I am without ruining the relationship.

I thoroughly enjoyed time I spent in fellowship with other alcoholics -- some in recovery and some still in their disease. I connected better with more people this week and felt consciously connected to my Precious Higher Power.

I did laundry twice on two separate occasions and didn't get a resentment.

I worked every minute of every hour I was supposed to and made the most of them without second guessing myself.

In my personal life: I followed up. I was early a few times and late a few times and I handled both situations with ease -- more or less.

I saw a narrow glimpse of how God sees me.

I went to a 12 step meeting I haven't attended for 11 years. I laughed, I mourned, I gave several of those "what's up?" looks to people I didn't even know, with a smile. They gave me one back too. I shared in a general way what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. I shared my experience (scandalous and sad), strength (God, God and more God), and hope (He loves me. He loves you. No matter what.).

I also forgot an important appointment with a friend, failed to show up when I said I would, and made a call I probably shouldn't have to someone I used to know. I apologized, I repented, and I was honest with God and another human being about the exact nature of my wrongs.

And I witnessed two miracles this week.

It's amazing what happens when I ask God to set my agenda and power my program. I get to show up for others and be really present for my life and what's going on around me. I'm finally out of my own head and on the road to recovery.

peace&love

He is working right now!

As sure as I am that I'm sitting here suddenly feeling better about my situation of life, I am sure that God is working right now on my behalf. What is He doing that prompted this announcement? He is doing what He does countless times per day, I'm just taking the time out right now to appreciate Him for it and to really enjoy the feeling that God cares for me in a hands-on way.

He's making my best good enough. Today my best is not anywhere close to what I would like it to be, but He's empowering me to do what I can and making up the difference. Holding my hand, calming my fears, and right-sizing my maginfying mind through it all.

Thank You, God. Thank You for caring for me in a tangible, personal way. Thank You for being Everything I need all the time.

The present is a gift.

When I'm in the present -- really paying attention to the here and now -- I have fewer worries. Because managing my worries is something I struggle with at times, I should show up for my life more often. Instead of making feeble attempts at warding off those pesky anxieties with unhealthy distractions, I could ask God to help me experience my life as it happens.

God, please help me to focus on the moment, realizing fully that each one is a gift from You and that for each one You have a perfect purpose in mind for me. Help me see, hear, touch, taste and even smell my life as it's happening so that I can be of the greatest good to those around me. I love You. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, amen.

No, no we are not satisfied...

No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream. -- Martin Luther King

"We Shall Overcome" speech excerpt
"We Shall Overcome" song sung by Joan Baez

Many of us have been concerned with social justice our whole lives. Perhaps it is because our hearts go out to those who have been oppressed and imprisoned. Perhaps it is because our people have been oppressed and imprisoned. Perhaps it is because we have been oppressed and imprisoned ourselves. We pray about what we hear in the news. We cry when learn about the pain of others. Our hearts are broken by how the world treats us and those we love. Sometimes we feel that the evil in the world is too much to withstand. We look for a way out from the misery we see all around us.

If we stay stuck in the bad news about the state of humankind: war, hunger, famine, oppression, slavery, rape, abuse, violence.. we prime ourselves for relapse, we deepen our depression, we forget that we have a Savior with a solution.

So, we don't look away from the truth of injustice in the world, but we also look up to God for answers. Dr. King referred to Amos 5 in his famous "I Have a Dream" speech. In that chapter of Amos, our God says, "Seek Me and live... Seek the Lord and live... Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you." Like the writer of Psalms, "I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121: 1 and 2

So, we don't pick up a drink or a drug when we are overwhelmed by evil in the world. We need not eat over it or act out in any other way. We realize we are not alone and we take the advice found in Romans 12:14-21: "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Let's pray that God will focus our eyes on Him and our energies on His will.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next. Amen."

--Reinhold Niebuhr

time, time, time... see what's become of me

"Time, time, time... see what's become of me

while I looked around

for my possibilities.

I was so hard to please.

But look around

leaves are brown

and the sky is a hazy shade of winter."

-Simon & Garfunkel

Today I thanked God for the difference between today and yesterday.

Today I am even more hopeful than I was yesterday. Today I made even better use of the time and resources God has entrusted to me. Today I talked with God a little longer and listened to Him even longer. Today I ate healthier food than I did yesterday. Today I took the advice of a wise friend. Today I called an old friend and a new friend. Today I thought more about someone else than I did of myself and did something about it.

Living life one day at a time is possible when you have a program that works. Celebrate Recovery works because we can depend on God's promises all day every day. Join us any Friday night if you have a hurt, habit or hang up. Join us even if you don't think you have one. You're more than welcome.

I'm not God: the converse is also true

Step One is "Realize I'm not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable." "Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." Matthew 5:3

In recovery it's so important to realize I'm not God, it's in the first step. When I woke up this morning I was hit over the head with the reality that the converse is also true: God is not me. I've heard a thousand times that where I am weak, He is strong, but truth of the matter runs much deeper than that.

I'm bound by time. He is not. He is the Great I Am. He always Was. Is. Forever shall Be. He doesn't just see into the future. He is in the future: controlling it, creating it. He has infinitely more power to control the future than I have in this very moment to decide what I will do and how I will do it.

I'm distracted by my five senses. Bright, shiny things take my attention away from what's truly important -- what's really real. Then, of course, my feelings sometimes or even often out vote my best ideas, my good intentions, my common sense, my education, my experience... God is not ever distratcted. His mind doesn't wander. He's not fickle or mercurial. Not manic, not depressive. He is our Rock. He never changes.

He always keeps His promises.
He never forgets.
He is the One constant in our ever-chaning world.
Thank You, God for being You. Thank You for loving us the way only You can love us.

Consider the hymn: Great is Thy Faithfulness, by Thomas O. Chisholm (words) and William M. Runyan (music). Enjoy Selah singing the hymn.

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no Shadow of turning with thee;
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not;
As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be.

Refrain:
Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed thy hand hath provided;
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto thee.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!