I'm not God: the converse is also true

Step One is "Realize I'm not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable." "Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor." Matthew 5:3

In recovery it's so important to realize I'm not God, it's in the first step. When I woke up this morning I was hit over the head with the reality that the converse is also true: God is not me. I've heard a thousand times that where I am weak, He is strong, but truth of the matter runs much deeper than that.

I'm bound by time. He is not. He is the Great I Am. He always Was. Is. Forever shall Be. He doesn't just see into the future. He is in the future: controlling it, creating it. He has infinitely more power to control the future than I have in this very moment to decide what I will do and how I will do it.

I'm distracted by my five senses. Bright, shiny things take my attention away from what's truly important -- what's really real. Then, of course, my feelings sometimes or even often out vote my best ideas, my good intentions, my common sense, my education, my experience... God is not ever distratcted. His mind doesn't wander. He's not fickle or mercurial. Not manic, not depressive. He is our Rock. He never changes.

He always keeps His promises.
He never forgets.
He is the One constant in our ever-chaning world.
Thank You, God for being You. Thank You for loving us the way only You can love us.

Consider the hymn: Great is Thy Faithfulness, by Thomas O. Chisholm (words) and William M. Runyan (music). Enjoy Selah singing the hymn.

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no Shadow of turning with thee;
Thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not;
As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be.

Refrain:
Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed thy hand hath provided;
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto thee.

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon, and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Adult Children of Family Dysfunction: The Problem and Solution

Do you feel isolated, uneasy with other people, especially authority figures? To protect yourself, are you a people pleaser, even though you lose your own identity in the process?
We either become alcoholics or married them or both. Failing that, we found another compulsive personality, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.

The Problem
 We guess what is normal.
 We have difficulty following a project through, from beginning to end.
 We lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
 We judge ourselves without mercy.
 We have difficulty having fun
 We take ourselves very seriously
 We have difficulty with relationships
 We over-react to changes over which we have no control
 We constantly seek approval and affirmation
 We are either super responsible or super irresponsible
 We are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved
 We look for immediate rather than deferred gratification
 We lock ourselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternate behaviors or possible consequences
 We seek tension and crisis and then complain about the results
 We avoid conflict or aggravate it; rarely do we deal with it
 We fear rejection and abandonment, yet are rejecting of others
 We fear failure, but sabotage our success
 We fear criticism and judgment, yet criticize and judge others
 We manage time poorly and do not set priorities in a way that works well for us

The Solution
The solution is to become your own loving parent
 Find the freedom to express all the hurts and fears kept inside and gain freedom from the shame and blame carried over from the past
 Become an adult who was no longer imprisoned by childhood reactions
 Recover the child within us, learning to accept and love our-selves
 Move out the isolation
 Rediscover feelings and buried memories
 Gradually release the burden of unexpressed grief; slowly move out of the past
 Learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect
 Learn to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence
 Trust that our actual parent is the Higher Power, Jesus Christ. Although we had dysfunctional/alcoholic parents, our Higher Power gave us the eight Principles of Recovery  Receive experience, strength and hope to others
 Restructure sick thinking one day at a time
 Release our parents from responsibility for our actions today
 Become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors
 Progress from hurting to healing to helping
 Awaken a sense of wholeness we knew was possible
 Come to see parental dysfunction for what it is and know how that affected us as a child and continues to affect us as an adult
 Learn to keep the focus on ourselves in the here and now
 Take responsibility for our own life and supply our own par-enting
 See beautiful changes in all our relationships, especially with God, ourselves and our parents.

Life through Rose-colored Glasses

Definition from an internet dictionary of the idiom, rose-colored glasses: if someone thinks about or looks at something with rose-colored glasses, they think it is more pleasant than it really is.

While writing I once described myself as looking through a dirty old window in Sun Valley. Today I'm looking through a brand-new window in Sun Valley thanks to the craftspeople who have been working all week to install new windows and doors in our house. I adore the sights just outside my window.

I see my neighbor's too-green-and-beautiful-to-be-summer landscaping. I see boys riding scooters and hanging out in the shade of their porch. I see happy hillsides and fancy houses built into the nooks of those hillsides. I see sunflowers waiving cheerfully in a precious San Fernando Valley wind on this sweaty, sweltering day. I am constantly inspired by my view whether the window is old and dirty or shiny-new through which I look.

So what?

Lately I've noticed that I've become more grateful than ever for being grateful. Being grateful is a skill I've been learning for the last twelve years, for as long as I've been clean and sober. It was presented to me as a necessary survival technique for living life on life's terms. I was directed to write gratitude lists daily as part of my morning serenity and sobriety rituals. I followed that direction without a clue about how it would eventually color every aspect of my life. As I persisted, by the grace of God, I got better at identifying things to place on my lists. I got better at finding things to be grateful for.

Practicing gratitude has immediate and long term benefits. The first time I made a gratitude list I felt kinda weird as I figured out what to write. I was learning to slowly but surely shift my perspective away from its self-centered default setting. While I was still drinking and using people and substances, I made a career out of figuring out what I could get out of relationships. I was adept at finding out how I could beg, borrow or steal a feel-good moment from the precious moments God granted me. By practicing gratitude I had to shift from what I wanted to what I already had.

I doubt even the sickest of us put our guilty pleasures on our gratitude lists. I was no different. I couldn't fill my list with things like memories of my sinful conquests. The gratitude list process forced me to think about God-given things for which I was grateful. It turned out all the best things on my list were directly from God. Acknowledging His presence, His involvement in my life, His daily blessings were inescapable steps in crafting my list. So right away I starting thinking more about God and how He was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.

As the years have past one day at a time I've developed habitual gratitude. I don't make written lists during a discrete part of my day anymore. When I'm on my game, I'm stuck on grateful. Sure, there are times when I hold short pity parties for myself. Today they usually don't last longer than half an hour or so. Then I go right back to being grateful for every good thing in my life. And I find a lot of good things when I survey my life, gazing out my window through the rose-colored glasses God gave me. I find myself being grateful for even the trying, hard, desperate times I experience. I'm grateful for the faith in God they build in me. I'm grateful for how God shows His TLC of me in crappy times. I'm grateful for the shortest respite, the smallest favor when I'm struggling.

No doubt, there are those that say that my point of view is naive or unrealistic. Life is hard. There are new horrors all over the world every day. That is true. Maybe it's more true today than it has been for a long time. But, there is another truth that keeps me going: Looking at life through grateful eyes has helped me help others, stomped out my depression, dialed down my anxiety, saved me from self-pity, repaired my relationships, and put a smile on my face that passes human understanding.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Thank you, God.

Unforgiven

Imagine...

You have a solid relationship with your best friend. You have been friends for years and the relationship has come to mean the world to you. As you experienced life together you learned you could depend on one another. When times were hard, you called on your friend and your friend never failed. It was hard to imagine celebrating any of life's special moments without your friend. Day or night, rain or shine, your friend was there for you.

One random day you did something that hurt your friend. Perhaps it was an oversight -- you weren't really thinking clearly when you made the decision that hurt your friend. Or perhaps you were careless and your judgment was faulty. You didn't intend to hurt your friend, but for a brief moment you risked the relationship and hurt the one that was always by your side in good times and bad.

When you realized that you hurt your best friend you first felt guilty and stupid for endangering such a vital friendship. Although it wasn't easy to admit you were so thoughtless, you gathered your courage, swallowed your pride and prepared to apologize. You stopped by your friend's home, a piece offering in hand, hopeful that the rift between you would be healed soon. As you knocked on the door, you were certain that you would never again make the same bad decision that led to this momemnt.

Your friend answered the door and allowed you enter. You sat in your favorite chair, your friend directly opposite. It almost felt like any other day. But your inner voice told you that it wasn't any other day. You had important business to discuss. You came to the point. "I'm sorry for what I did. I'm not sure why I did it, but I never meant to hurt you. I know I did and for that I am profoundly sorry. I hate that I risked our friendship given all we've been through. This will never happen again. You mean the world to me and I'm sorry. Please... please forgive me."

You looked deeply into the eyes of the person sitting in front of you and you realized that they were hard and cold. Your friend seemed unmoved by your apology. Suddenly the butterflies in your stomach turned to angry wasps. "I'm truly sorry," you offered again. The heavy words seemed to fall leaden to the floor before they reached their intended destination.

Your friend took a deep breath and stared. You felt yourself tearing up depsite your best efforts to hold onto any shred of hope that things would turn out OK. Again, "Please forgive me. I'm really torn up over this. I don't want to lose your friendship. I was careless. I was stupid. Please..." Hot, salty tears fell in your lap. You stared at the widening circles of moisture as if lifting your eyes to again meet your friend's stare was beyond your capacity. You would wait in this position until you heard or sensed some response other than that dreadful, steely gaze.

"I can't forgive you. I won't."

"But... please..."

"There is nothing more to say. Our friendship is over. Please leave."

The voice that meant unmatched comfort for as long as you could remember was flat, emotionless. Your heart breaking; you pretended to compose yourself, swallowed the lump in your throat and fled.

You sat in your car unaware of the passing of time or of your surroundings. You were numb and dazed. An unwelcome thought came to mind and replayed over and over. "I lost my best friend today. I lost my best friend today. I lost my best friend today." You didn't realize that you said the words out loud. Mechanically, you finally turned the key in the ignition and pulled into traffic. You didn't know where you were going and didn't care.

A couple of days ago I thought I had irrevocably damaged my relationship with my best friend. When I apologized for my carelessness, he bristled, all the muscles in his face seemed to turn to cement. His eyes were angry, lips pursed so that even if he wanted to say something it couldn't escape the determination of those tight lips. I went on and on about how I'd make up for my mistake, how I'd do whatever I could to make things the way they were before. He stared straight ahead as if I hadn't said a word. His silence spoke volumes. He didn't forgive me. He didn't forgive me. Perhaps he would change his mind later, but for now our relationship was broken. I was suddenly adrift as if it was our relationship that was tying me to the known world. This new world without his care and concern was unfamiliar and desolate.

Yesterday we repaired the rift between us and I felt light, relieved. The world made sense again and I could be hopeful about whatever life would bring next. Because I had felt the separation between me and my friend so profoundly I spent a moment or two resolving never to make the same mistakes again. But God took this opportunity to remind me that He isn't like my human best friend who wouldn't forgive me for a while. As my Divine Best Friend I can count on Him to forgive me as soon as I ask each and every time.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 American King James Version

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12 New American Standard Bible

He promised and He hasn't ever let me down. Thank You, Jesus for forgiving me wihtout fail. Thank You for being my Best Friend. Thank you for the assurance, confidence and hope that comes from your forgiving grace.

Thank you for the shoulder, God

A few weeks ago I was rushing to work. I was running a little late and, as I jumped on the freeway, I hoped that the traffic wouldn't set me back further. Trying to keep the wreckage of my past in my consciousness, I remembered my last two car accidents which were my fault and began to practice my safer driving skills. Like safer sex guidelines (as opposed to safe sex guidelines), I admit that nothing but God will keep me safe on the road. I became more aware of other drivers and accelerated as best as I could in my aging Ford Focus.

I hadn't yet made it into the mainstream of the freeway when I checked my left side view mirror and noticed a truck advancing quickly. I took my foot off the gas pedal and coasted onto the shoulder to allow the truck to pass. I was on the shoulder for just a moment, but that moment was a critical one. I was on well on the freeway when I realized that I could have been in yet another accident and perhaps I wouldn't have walked away from this one. Perhaps someone else's survival had been at stake.

A spark of anger petered out before it became a flame -- drowned by the gratitude I felt for having a shoulder I could escape to when I needed it. I didn't plan to be run off the road, in fact, my plans involved me making up lost time on a clear highway. Instead, I needed to slow down on the side of the road for a moment. The moment on that shoulder and the wonderful God who gave them to me may have very well saved my life that morning.

I don't remember if I got to work on time that morning, but I do remember to be thankful for shoulders -- moments of escape and respite -- and for a heavenly Father who provides just what I need when I need it.

Sheila Raye Charles: Testimony & Concert March 19

Our Celebrate Recovery fellowship is sponsoring a special event on Friday, March 19, 2010. We are privileged to have Sheila Raye Charles - daughter of Ray Charles - come and tell her testimony interspersed with her music and that of Ray Charles.

You may get a sample of her testimony at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDbh-H8tp6g.

Tell your friends and neighbors. Share the info with other fellowships. Hope to see you there!

Dinner at 6PM.
Sheila Raye Charles at 7PM.

What It's Like Today

Today my mind feels frayed at the edges. My attention span is about seven seconds and my fuse is even shorter. All day I've been on the verge of tears or temper tantrums. It's a good thing I've spent most of the day alone at home.

My imagination flits from one obsessive thought to another: clean the house, lose weight, do the laundry NOW. I feel misunderstood by those that are closest to me: my husband, my daughter, my best friend. I spend a lot of time apologizing for being weird or weepy -- for being unable to seem normal.

My body undermines my best intentions. Exercise hurts. Sitting with my legs crossed hurts. Keeping my head turned to the right for ten minutes while I watch Perry Mason reruns hurts. Thinking about my pain hurts.

I am depressed, but I'm not desolate. I am anxious, but I'm not afraid. I'm grateful that I have a home that sheilds me from the mercurial weather and a family that can withstand my mercurial moods. I'm grateful that my family extends beyond my household and relatives to my church, to my CR group, to my circle of friends in the fellowship. I'm grateful that I know people that are like me and like me. I have friends that call to pray for me and with me. They call to check in and let me know that I'm not alone. I'm grateful that as bad as things get they are never as bad as before God rerouted me to the road to recovery.

Even when I can't move, I can talk to God. Even when I can't form a cogent thought, I can eke out a "thank you, Jesus" just because He's brought me this far and hasn't left me. Sometimes I crack a smile at my pain and anguish because it's not all I have. I have a program that works. I have my sobriety. I have a lot to be grateful for. I have people that love and accept me and I have my precious Savior who isn't done with me yet.

Bumpersticker

Today I saw a bumper sticker created by a guy named rebeldeadhead. It fits:

I Took the Challenge

Some time ago I heard a sermon about praising God through trials. I remember that the talk began innocently enough asking the question: What should a Christian do when things go wrong?

We already had a collective understanding that things can and will go bad for Christians. Having Jesus in my life doesn't inoculate me from tragedy. In fact, one of Christ's promises (if you want to call it a promise) is that we will have trouble. See John 3:16: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (NIV) The comforting part of this promise is that He has overcome the world and that in Him we can have peace.

So, as a Christian, I should expect trouble, but what should I do to have the peace He's talking about? Peace of mind is often an elusive goal I chase especially in troubled times, so I was listening when the pastor offered advice about what to do when things go wrong.

The answer was simple and not at all what I wanted to hear: Praise God. When things are good, praise God. When things go wrong, praise God. We were reminded about what Paul and Silas did in prison after being wrongly accused and whipped: They sang hymns to God! Check out Acts 16: 22-26: "The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. Upon receiving such orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose." (NIV)

At first I thought what I always think when I'm encouraged to fashion my idea of living life on life's terms after a Bible character: Well. That was then and this is now. I don't have the spiritual resources and wherewithal Paul did. God didn't manifest Himself in a special way to show me that I am special to Him and I have a role to play in His grand plan like He did with Paul.

Then I come clean: Those are all lies. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Jesus promised that we have the same access to God that He has as God's Son! Certainly I have it at least as good as Paul did. After all, I've never been imprisoned for sharing Christ's message of love with others; I've never been beaten up for preaching God's grace. God has shown up in my life time and time again in miraculous ways to tell me He loves me, to save me from my own best plans, and to lead me in a life according to His purpose that is way beyond my wildest, drunken dreams.

So today I want to be like Paul. When people blame me for problems I didn't cause... When folks try to use me to meet their less than honorable goals... When I'm disappointed in the actions of others and myself... When tragedy visits (as I'm sure it will) I will praise God and revel in the peace of mind that is promised. When I praise God I count on the prison doors of my consciousness flying open and the chains that keep me from serenity coming loose.

Give it a try and let me know if you find any prison foundations shaken.

Friday Nights @ Celebrate Recovery in Burbank

You are welcome to join us as we meet every Friday night for Celebrate Recovery in Burbank

6-7 PM Food Fellowship Fun
Dinner: A full, wholesoe meal with friends

7-8 PM Main Meeting
Large Group Testimonies and Teaching

8-9 PM Open Share
Women’s and Men’s Small Groups

9-10 PM Solid Rock Café
Socialize with group members over coffee and dessert

FAQs

What if I can't get there until 7PM?
Come at 6PM for dinner, at 7PMfor the large group meeting, or at 8PM for open share... but we'd love to see you there from 6PM until the Solid Rock after party!

Can I bring my child?
Kids are welcome -- call at least 48 hours in advance if you need childcare.

I'm not a Christian, am I still welcome?
Absolutely. If you have a hurt, hang up or habit and you'd like to find some peace, you are welcome.

I don't know if I have a hurt, hang up or habit -- I'm not an alcoholic or addict. Is Celebrate Recovery for me?
Yes! Are you curious about the program? Wondering if it might help you with your (fill in the blank)? You are in the right place. Celebrate Recovery is safe place to explore how God can make a difference in your life -- even if you're not sure what the problem is.

Where is Burbank Seventh-day Adventist Church?
710 S. Glenoaks Blvd., Burbank, CA 91502
We're at the corner of Glenoaks and Cedar Ave. You can take the 5 fwy, exit Alameda East. Turn left on Glenoaks and look for the brick church on the right side of the street just before you get to at Cedar Ave.

I have more questions, who can I call?
Call Pastor Jan or LaViva at (818) 848-7051. We'd be happy to talk to you. Or you can reach us by email at outreach@burbanksda.com.