Of what value is happiness?

This morning I woke in a good mood when I realized my dreams weren't real. I had not relapsed. I was not in someone else's bed. I was not caught in the seemingly endless loop of chasing an elusive and fleeting happiness built on momentary thrills.

I woke up in my own bed next to my own husband near our own daughter. I woke up and I woke up sober. Praise God.

So I woke up in a good mood. Six hours later I'm still riding that high. I'm still stuck on that heady feeling of gratitude that accompanies the consciousness that my life is a gift from God not a function of my best ideas realized. (My best ideas realized are deadly.)

My good mood has persisted although for most of the last six hours I've been trying to infect my husband, my daughter, and my mother with it and failed, mostly. My daughter seems quite happy just to be; finding, as I am, something about which to smile in the strangest off-handed moments. My mother, on the other hand, had been getting steadily agitated by forces I cannot see. And my husband is displaying evidence of a slow burn that comes from a fire I didn't set and can't apparently douse.

(I was able to put a smile on the face of a woman bagging her groceries when I stopped her long enough to mention that I really like the color of her dress and the way she was wearing it. And a man sincerely thanked me when I saved him the trouble of waiting in a line that was closing momentarily. There was the grandmother who smiled when I greeted her in my best, albeit poorly accented Spanish and her grandson who seemed to laugh just when I caught his eye and made a face.)

So of what value is my own happiness if I can't force it on those I love the most? I suppose happiness like so many other things of the greatest value can't be forced on anyone. I can't force recovery, sobriety, gratitude, peace of mind, kindness or the free gift of salvation on anyone as hard as I might  try. I can share those precious intangibles with others though: with family, friends, and people I meet in the neighborhood grocery store. By the grace of God I can feed and water my own happiness with gratitude, conscious contact with my Creator, and living in the moment.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you.