I remember my first glimpse of another person's life and another and another as I began to see the similarities among those living on life's terms. I immediately wanted what they had. You see, among them was perhaps the first place I felt that I was among my people. We are people who had seen and done things that most others could not, would not. We are people who had chased a sneer thinking it a smile, ransomed dear life and true love for a fleeting end to the torment of worry and self-hatred. I believed what they said when they said they learned to live without drink or drug, even, without lies or artifice. They came to depend on God, to rely on His divine inspiration, and to start, from the charred ground up, building a life on His promises. They described gifts of recovery: meaningful work, a home, a partner, a future on which to look forward, a past to never again regret.
The images of life in recovery that were shared with me in and out of meetings were enough to keep me motivated while working the steps because for the first time in a very long time I had hope. I can tell you something now with 16 years between today and my last drink or drug that I could not know then: There is so much more pain and joy in life than I ever thought possible. And I can only barely see, feel, taste it sober in God's awesome care.
Before recovery I made a career out of not really seeing, feeling, tasting life. I used to run from the pain of abuse, from the heartache of guilt, and from the shame of foul living. Today with God's help I find myself running into the emotional equivalent of burning houses, not to save, but to help someone find a way out and sometimes to cry while we watch so much of what they hold dear go up in flames. Today, only by God's grace and through His power I am not afraid to face fear, disappointment, injustice, and death. The dreadful features of this life do not separate me from God's love, indeed, nothing can.
And the joy!
The joy I've experienced in recovery has been worth the price of admission, at least the price I paid to find that without God I am a real alcoholic and a degenerate addict. Jesus paid the ultimate price for me to be able to live now with the assurance of eternal life with Him. Praise God, I have the joy of being married to my husband and being mother to our daughter. There is no fit like the one God puts and keeps together. The relationships in our little family are sometimes strained by remnants of my alcoholic thinking and weird perspective, yet we are blessed immeasurably by God's care, grace and forgiveness.
The actual inspiration for this entry is the joy and gratitude I experience in watching my teenage daughter in her first loving relationship. I can see the effect that having a family member in recovery has made on my daughter and her boyfriend. They are doing very nearly everything differently than I did in my earliest relationships. Their communication is more direct. There's nothing sneaky or insidious about their loving touches. They share their thoughts and plans with their parents and listen to our input. They obey! There is a real chance for them to learn how to be in a relationship in a godly way, how to develop shared values, and how to gain skills needed for the long haul.
Because of God's grace through recovery, I am made new, I can withstand new pain and celebrate new joy.
Thank you for following my rambling. May you feel God's presence always.
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Romans 8:31-39 New Living Translation (NLT)
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Thank you for following my rambling. May you feel God's presence always.
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Romans 8:31-39 New Living Translation (NLT)
Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
