While writing I once described myself as looking through a dirty old window in Sun Valley. Today I'm looking through a brand-new window in Sun Valley thanks to the craftspeople who have been working all week to install new windows and doors in our house. I adore the sights just outside my window.
I see my neighbor's too-green-and-beautiful-to-be-summer landscaping. I see boys riding scooters and hanging out in the shade of their porch. I see happy hillsides and fancy houses built into the nooks of those hillsides. I see sunflowers waiving cheerfully in a precious San Fernando Valley wind on this sweaty, sweltering day. I am constantly inspired by my view whether the window is old and dirty or shiny-new through which I look.
So what?
Lately I've noticed that I've become more grateful than ever for being grateful. Being grateful is a skill I've been learning for the last twelve years, for as long as I've been clean and sober. It was presented to me as a necessary survival technique for living life on life's terms. I was directed to write gratitude lists daily as part of my morning serenity and sobriety rituals. I followed that direction without a clue about how it would eventually color every aspect of my life. As I persisted, by the grace of God, I got better at identifying things to place on my lists. I got better at finding things to be grateful for.
Practicing gratitude has immediate and long term benefits. The first time I made a gratitude list I felt kinda weird as I figured out what to write. I was learning to slowly but surely shift my perspective away from its self-centered default setting. While I was still drinking and using people and substances, I made a career out of figuring out what I could get out of relationships. I was adept at finding out how I could beg, borrow or steal a feel-good moment from the precious moments God granted me. By practicing gratitude I had to shift from what I wanted to what I already had.
I doubt even the sickest of us put our guilty pleasures on our gratitude lists. I was no different. I couldn't fill my list with things like memories of my sinful conquests. The gratitude list process forced me to think about God-given things for which I was grateful. It turned out all the best things on my list were directly from God. Acknowledging His presence, His involvement in my life, His daily blessings were inescapable steps in crafting my list. So right away I starting thinking more about God and how He was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
As the years have past one day at a time I've developed habitual gratitude. I don't make written lists during a discrete part of my day anymore. When I'm on my game, I'm stuck on grateful. Sure, there are times when I hold short pity parties for myself. Today they usually don't last longer than half an hour or so. Then I go right back to being grateful for every good thing in my life. And I find a lot of good things when I survey my life, gazing out my window through the rose-colored glasses God gave me. I find myself being grateful for even the trying, hard, desperate times I experience. I'm grateful for the faith in God they build in me. I'm grateful for how God shows His TLC of me in crappy times. I'm grateful for the shortest respite, the smallest favor when I'm struggling.
No doubt, there are those that say that my point of view is naive or unrealistic. Life is hard. There are new horrors all over the world every day. That is true. Maybe it's more true today than it has been for a long time. But, there is another truth that keeps me going: Looking at life through grateful eyes has helped me help others, stomped out my depression, dialed down my anxiety, saved me from self-pity, repaired my relationships, and put a smile on my face that passes human understanding.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Thank you, God.
