Back to Basics: Life on Life's Terms

No doubt: This has been one of the best weeks ever. In my emotional and physical overwhelm, on Monday (!) my memory stumbled over the seventh step prayer or my version of it:

Dear God,
I'm sorry for every stupid thing I've done and been.
Please fix me so I can help someone else today and get me off my mind.
I'm desperate for You.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Here's the original version from page 76 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

My Creator,
I am now willing that you should have all of me,
good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me
every single defect of character which stands in the way
of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength, as I go out from here,
to do your bidding.
Amen

(Now you can see just how poor my memory is.) Praise God! He answers prayers even when I forget how to pray them.

Immediately things started to change around me as my perspective changed. I began to find something beautiful everywhere I looked. I was swimming in gratitude about little things I usually take for granted. I was nicer to my husband and daughter and coworkers. I became fearlessly engaged with our interns and my clients. I forgot about how difficult it is these days for me to speak without preparing what I'm going to say.

I didn't pay much attention to my pain -- it came and went as it pleased and so did I. I walked happily. I even laughed out loud when my husband sent me down the same warehouse-long aisle three times to get an item at Costco after a long day at work. I was more relaxed. I enjoyed tasks that usually feel like a pain in the... butt. I made more calls to friends and answered more times when someone called me.

When someone asked me to do something I found myself happy to help. When someone ticked me off, I was actually looking for ways to show the person I appreciate them instead of trying to find ways to tell them how angry I am without ruining the relationship.

I thoroughly enjoyed time I spent in fellowship with other alcoholics -- some in recovery and some still in their disease. I connected better with more people this week and felt consciously connected to my Precious Higher Power.

I did laundry twice on two separate occasions and didn't get a resentment.

I worked every minute of every hour I was supposed to and made the most of them without second guessing myself.

In my personal life: I followed up. I was early a few times and late a few times and I handled both situations with ease -- more or less.

I saw a narrow glimpse of how God sees me.

I went to a 12 step meeting I haven't attended for 11 years. I laughed, I mourned, I gave several of those "what's up?" looks to people I didn't even know, with a smile. They gave me one back too. I shared in a general way what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. I shared my experience (scandalous and sad), strength (God, God and more God), and hope (He loves me. He loves you. No matter what.).

I also forgot an important appointment with a friend, failed to show up when I said I would, and made a call I probably shouldn't have to someone I used to know. I apologized, I repented, and I was honest with God and another human being about the exact nature of my wrongs.

And I witnessed two miracles this week.

It's amazing what happens when I ask God to set my agenda and power my program. I get to show up for others and be really present for my life and what's going on around me. I'm finally out of my own head and on the road to recovery.

peace&love